The Legend of Zelda: Pirates and Men
by Count Ceretto
Summary: A captain and a band of pirates were enjoying their lives as thieves. But after they try to rob one more cargo ship, they will begin the adventure of their lives. CHAPTER FOUR IS UP! REVIEW PLEASE!
1. Pirates

HI EVERYONE! I used to be Phoenix 14 the reviewer you know and love, but now I joined the site and became, The Master of the Phoenix! This is my first FanFiction story so be creative on your reviews and give me advice. Also, flames will be either ignored or the flamers destroyed by my muse, Phoenix the Elf Ninja, or Phoenix for short. Oh yes, please go to FictionPress and review my other story, The Mythical Revolution. I have the same name there so you don't need to be confused. Anyway, before I bore you to death, LET'S START THIS STORY!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, parts of plot from Pirates of the Caribbean, Treasure Planet, and Sinbad. But I do own the characters on the pirate ship and maybe a few monsters and creatures.  
  
The Legend of Zelda: Pirates and Men  
  
Chapter 1: Pirates!  
  
The ocean was calm, with a slight breeze blowing by. A royal cargo ship glided across the waters, feeling safe and secure. The crew felt content, nothing could go wrong on this day. Or so they thought.  
  
A second ship was following, and this one was sleeker, faster, and a pirate ship. As the pirates closed in on the cargo ship, the crew stood at attention as the captain of the pirates, followed by his first mate, made their way across the deck.  
  
The captain was a young man, no older than 22. His red hair looked like fire, green eyes glowing with mischief like a cat's, and a slim body like a hawk's, ready to overtake it's prey. The first mate had raven black hair, blue sapphire-like eyes, and a bulkier but stronger looking body. As the captain made it to the bow of the ship, he turned around to face his crew.  
  
"Gentlemen," he started, "That ship you see ahead of you is a royal cargo ship, filled with treasure, and on it's way to the castle of Hyrule."  
  
Then the captain smirked, "It is such a shame it will never get there."  
  
The crew laughed at the captain's remark, and the usually serious first mate gave a grin.  
  
"Prepare your weapons and be ready to board!" The captain ordered.  
  
"Aye sir!" The crew responded as they scrambled to their positions.  
  
The first mate then turned to the captain. "Phoenix, do you think this will be easy?"  
  
Phoenix turned to his first mate to reply. "With any other crew, Kosaru, it wouldn't be easy. But this crew is the best, and I think we'll do fine. Prepare to board."  
  
Kosaru gave a grin before saying, "Aye sir." And he walked away.  
  
Phoenix turned to see the eight people, including Kosaru, scramble about the deck to board the cargo ship. Cotan, an orange haired blue-eyed man, sheathed his two cutlasses. Hawkins, a brown haired and gray-eyed Hylian strung his bow and gathered up his arrows. Finley, a Zora with sapphire eyes, strapped two spears behind him. Rock, a Goron with black beady eyes, stuffed his explosives into a basket he carried behind him. Sheen, a mysterious and shrouded Sheikan, prepared his throwing stars. Carl, a small Kokri clothed in green and green eyes full of mischief, hid his two daggers. And Ann, a Gerudo woman with red hair and brown eyes, readied her mace.  
  
As the crew stood on the right side on the ship, itching to board, Phoenix walked over to a large lever, turned to face his crew, and asked, "Alright, who is not ready?" No hands shot up.  
  
Phoenix smiled, "Ok, LET'S GET RICH!" he exclaimed as he pulled on the lever.  
  
On the sides of the ship, where cannons would usually be, ten-foot long blades shot out. And as the pirates caught up to the cargo ship, the blades dug into the cargo ship, locking it with the pirate ship. With the royal crew stunned and knocked down, the pirates swung on ropes onto the cargo ship, and all hell broke lose.  
  
The crew tried to defend against the pirates but it was no use, one pirate was worth ten crewmembers, and the soldiers were being beaten back. Rock used smoke explosives to blind the crew while the pirates rushed in and knocked many soldiers out or into the sea.  
  
Phoenix himself was joining the fray, parrying, thrusting, and stabbing any soldiers he came across. Soon, most of the soldiers that were on deck were either knocked out or killed.  
  
As Phoenix sheathed his sword and walked over to Kosaru, he asked, "Now, was that great or what?"  
  
Kosaru grinned and replied, "Yeah, but I think you overdid it, just a little bit."  
  
A soldier suddenly rushed at Kosaru with his sword, but the first mate caught the soldier's arm and tossed him into the sea without even looking at the soldier.  
  
Phoenix walked away muttering, "And you say I overdid it."  
  
He then heard the sounds of battle again and saw all of his pirates being knocked away by a Hylian clothed in green with a beautiful sword and a huge shield. Phoenix recognized him immediately.  
  
"Well, if it isn't Link, the Hero of Time!"  
  
Link was stunned for a second, surprised that this pirate recognized him so easily, and that gave the other pirates enough time to tackle him and capture Link.  
  
Phoenix walked over and said, "Amazing you could hold off the pirates that long Link! I only wish you could join us."  
  
Link looked at the captain with disgust. "I would never join you bastards." He then received a painful hit on the head by one of his captors.  
  
Phoenix smiled arrogantly, "You know, you really shouldn't say those things when you are in my custody. But I've wasted enough time talking to you I'm going to get some treasure."  
  
Phoenix walked to the captain's quarters as Link struggled against Rock and Finley. He then broke free and ran after the captain. Rock was about to follow him with Kosaru stood in his way.  
  
'Phoenix can take care of himself. Let's go back to the ship."  
  
The crew hesitated, but decided the first mate was right and walked back to the ship.  
  
Meanwhile, Phoenix made it inside the captain's quarters and saw the only treasure on the ship, a glowing book. But it wasn't just any book; it was the book of the goddesses. With it, one could find out where the three pieces of the Triforce were, and who possessed them.  
  
Phoenix stared in awe at the treasure before him, when Link came from behind and blocked the captain's path to the book.  
  
"You are not taking this book!" Link said.  
  
The captain grinned and said to Link, "I like you lad, and I don't want to spill blood. But I can't have you in the way of my treasure."  
  
Link eyed the captain, "What would you do with it anyway? This will keep Hyrule together!"  
  
Phoenix nodded his head, "Exactly, so think of how much all Hyrule will pay to get it back."  
  
As Phoenix started to walk past Link, the Hylian grabbed one of the captain's cutlasses and once again blocked his path. Phoenix was momentarily surprised, but then drew his own sword and charged at Link.  
  
The two warriors fought, each trying to find weaknesses. But none could be found, and soon the two were against the wall of the ship, Phoenix pinning Link.  
  
Link said defiantly, "If you want the book, you'll have to go through me."  
  
Before Phoenix could reply, a large tentacle crashed through the wall of the ship and separated the two warriors. Both looked on in shock as the tentacle prodded around the room.  
  
Phoenix broke the silence, "What the?" and rushed to the deck Link behind him and saw a terrible thing.  
  
Cliffhangers are evil, don't you agree? Anyway, be polite and give me advice if needed. I need all the help I can get. REVIEW PLEASE! 


	2. Monster

Me: Well what do you know? PEOPLE REVIEWED!  
  
Phoenix: Incredible, I thought you wouldn't get any reviews.  
  
Me: Don't ruin my moment Mr. I'm-so-damn-sarcastic-all-the-time!  
  
Phoenix: Whatever.  
  
Me: Let's answer reviews!  
  
Atchika: Link was basically supervising the trip of the book and to guard it from anything. Guess the job is harder than he thought.  
  
Midnight Starfire: You don't need to pick the story apart with tweezers. What I would really like is for you to inform me of any obvious mistakes I may have made. Again, I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET!  
  
Me: Ok, I'm taking a gamble on this. I've noticed a lot of people are still answering reviews after April 19, so I'll do it too. I'm going to pray this story isn't removed.  
  
Phoenix: I'll laugh if it does.  
  
Me: Watch it you.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, parts of plot from Pirates of the Caribbean, Treasure Planet, and Sinbad. But I do own the characters on the pirate ship and maybe a few monsters and creatures.  
  
The Legend of Zelda: Pirates and Men  
  
Chapter 2: Monster!  
  
As Phoenix and Link made it to the ship's deck, they saw a terrible thing. At the front of the ship, they saw a barrel-like body with golden scales, two long, suction-cupped tentacles as arms, and a serpent-like neck with a dragon's head on top. The tentacles were snatching up the guards on the deck and shoving them into the creature's mouth. The guards were trying to fight back, but their weapons were useless against the monster's scales.  
  
After staring in awe for a few seconds, Phoenix turned away and ran to the left side of the cargo ship to swing aboard the pirate ship.  
  
Link turned to see this and called out to the retreating captain, "We need help! Are you just going to leave us?"  
  
Phoenix looked deep in thought for a second and answered, "Um, YEAH!"  
  
Phoenix was about to jump to his ship when he noticed it wasn't there any more. It was in fact torn away from the cargo ship and flung a few miles away. Phoenix was speechless with anger, for he thought his ship and crew were destroyed.  
  
"My, MY SHIP! Ok, that's it! You're going down you stupid squid!" and with that he joined the guards attacking the monster.  
  
Link himself was in the fray, shooting arrows at the monster's head. Of course, against the armor of the monster, the arrows were not doing any damage. When he saw a tentacle heading his way, the Hylian jumped out of the tentacle's path. Unfortunately, a guard that was next to Link was exposed to the tentacle and he was immediately snatched up and dragged into the monster's mouth.  
  
Link was uncertain that he and his men could defeat the creature, when Phoenix called out to him.  
  
"Link!" he called, "Do you have any bombs on you?"  
  
The green-clad Hylian was surprised at the question, but nodded his head.  
  
"Toss me two will you?"  
  
Still uncertain, Link threw two unlit bombs at the pirate. Phoenix caught them with ease, lit them, and them called out to the monster.  
  
"HEY! SQUID HEAD! OVER HERE!"  
  
The monster turned its head to look at the pirate who called to it. Still hungry it shot its tentacle at the captain. Reacting quickly, Phoenix threw the bombs at the hungry monster and dived out of the way. Thinking the bombs were food, the monster caught the two bombs and pulled them into the creature's hungry mouth.  
  
Phoenix stood next to Link and told him, "Now, stand by for squid flambé!"  
  
Nothing seemed to have happened at first, but then the monster trembled, and then belched out smoke, saliva, and a guard that was lucky enough not to have been killed by the bombs or the stomach acid. As the guard landed, he looked at his slime-covered body in horror, then rage, and picked up his sword and charged at the monster screaming many curses.  
  
Link and Phoenix looked on in surprise and Phoenix muttered, "Give that guy a raise."  
  
Meanwhile, the monster was enraged that the bombs had caused him some pain, and that they weren't edible. Seeing the pirate that had thrown him the bombs, the monster let out a thundering roar. The ferocity of the roar caused its breath to be like tornado winds, and while Link barely stood his ground, Phoenix was caught by surprise and blown back to the back of the ship.  
  
As the captain sat there in a daze, the monster shot out its tentacle, intent on capturing and eating the stunned prey. Before the captain was caught in the tentacle however, Link jumped in the way, trying to push away the captain. However, that act put him in the path of the tentacle, and he was snatched him and pulled into the monster's mouth.  
  
Phoenix looked on in horror as his savior was eaten by the creature, and was terrified to see that the tentacle was coming back for him! Before the tentacle wrapped itself around the captain, the creature stopped, realizing it's latest prey, Link, had halted its descent to the stomach. And before the creature could do anything, a sword protruded from the middle of creature's neck, and decapitated the doomed monster, Link jumping out of the bottom half of the neck onto the deck.  
  
The head of the monster landed on the ships deck as well, a look of surprise and pain on its face. And the twitching body of the monster started to sink slowly into the sea. Link stood panting on the deck, a look of total disgust on his face. But who could blame him? He was covered in slime, blood, and other things Link did not want to think about.  
  
Phoenix ran over to Link and put a hand on the Hylians slimy shoulder and said, "That Link, was excellent! You saved my life, and I thank you."  
  
As the captain pulled away his hand away from Link's shoulder, he realized it was covered with slime, and he grimaced.  
  
Phoenix kept congratulating Link by saying, "And you got a new trophy for yourself!"  
  
But as Phoenix looked at it closer, he accidentally detailed the trophy. "A slimy, bloody trophy."  
  
Seeing Link was looking queasy, the captain quickly added, "But a trophy! Now let's get you cleaned up."  
  
Before the two could walk off, suddenly, out of reflex, one of the monster's tentacles wrapped itself around Phoenix and pulled him under the sea.  
  
Me: Hoped you liked the battle scene! And I hope I made it detailed enough...  
  
Phoenix: Whatever, I hate cliffhangers, but only when they are done to me. .   
  
Both: REVIEW PLEASE! 


	3. Deal

Me: People are reviewing by the truckload!  
  
Phoenix: Dude, you only got 4 reviews on the last chapter.  
  
Me: IT'S BETTER THAN TWO!  
  
Phoenix: Whatever.  
  
Me: Answering the pretty little reviews now!  
  
Atchika: It was fun answering your question! And don't worry my story won't be yanked!  
  
MidnightStarfire: The battle was detailed enough? (Phew) That's a relief. Thank you as always!  
  
R.J.: Well, I had to rip off Sinbad! It is one of the best movies! And I believe this motto is true, "You've got to steal from the best, to be the best."  
  
Mimic12355: Thanks for the complements! They all made me smile.  
  
Me: FOUR REVIEWS! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! {Dances around like a nut}  
  
Phoenix: Uh, yeah. I'll start the story.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Zelda, and parts of plot from Sinbad, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Treasure Planet.  
  
Chapter 3: Deal!  
  
As the beheaded beast sank into the sea, in it's tentacle struggled Phoenix the pirate. Phoenix knew that if he didn't get any air soon, he would die. With all his might he squirmed and struggled, at the same time trying not to release any of the precious air that was in his lungs. When the monster gave another violent twitch, the tentacle released Phoenix.  
  
Frantically Phoenix swam to the surface, knowing he couldn't hold his breath much longer. Suddenly, for one second, Phoenix glanced at a Gerudo man, watching the pirate like a predator and it's prey. The man smiled sinisterly, and before Phoenix knew what was happening, he was encased in a huge, but fortunately waterless, bubble.  
  
Phoenix gladly released the air trapped in his lungs and started gasping for air. As he looked up, he could now see the same Gerudo man inside the bubble, still smiling. He looked to be about a head taller than Phoenix, with Gerudo style clothes on covering olive green skin. A tuft, sideburns, and a small beard of orange hair were on the man's face. His nose was like a hook, and his cold, red eyes seemed to look into Phoenix's soul.  
  
Soon, the pirate captain decided he had enough air, stood up and asked, "Who are you?"  
  
The man started walking towards the captain, "I am the creator of that and many other monsters. I am the king of the desert. I am Ganondorf."  
  
The pirate didn't seem to be fazed, "Right. Ganondorf. Nice titles by the way. Now," The mischievous glint faded in Phoenix's eyes, "why am I here?"  
  
Ganondorf chuckled at the pirate's question and kept walking. "I am after the same thing you are after, the Book of the Goddesses." Ganondorf then stopped in front of the captain and clenched his fist, "And I intend to get it."  
  
Phoenix still didn't seem the least bit scared. "Ok, now here's the problem. See, I saw it first, and I want to grab the book, sell it to Hyrule, and retire to an island off the coast of Termina. Terribly sorry but, you can't have it."  
  
Ganondorf started to circle around Phoenix, chuckling, "You're not thinking big. Sell the book to Hyrule, and you just get to stay on an island. Give the book to me, and you can buy the island, and Termina, and Hyrule, and the world!"  
  
The pirate's mischievous look returned to his eyes, and he mumbled, "Give the book to you, get rich, I'm home free," he then looked up to the scheming Ganondorf, "So far I don't see a downside to this. It's a deal!"  
  
Ganondorf stopped in front of Phoenix again and smiled, "Then we have an accord." And the two shook hands, sealing the agreement.  
  
Ganondorf chuckled, "Now where were we? Oh yes," he then leaned in close to the pirate and said, "you were holding your breath."  
  
The Gerudo and the bubble then vanished, the air disappearing and Phoenix realizing he was still underwater. He quickly swam up to the surface and looked around him, only to be snatched by Cotan and Hawkins and pulled aboard. As Phoenix landed soaking on the deck, the crew swarmed around him, every one in relief that their captain was alive.  
  
The crew then backed away when Kosaru walked in front of Phoenix and asked, "What the hell happened down there?"  
  
Phoenix stood up and looked at his first mate. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
Kosaru shrugged his shoulders. "Try me."  
  
Phoenix then quickly said, "Alright. So after that monster pulled me down into the sea, I was swimming up to the surface when I saw Ganondorf. He said that he was also after the Book of the Goddesses and we made a deal where I would get the book and give it to him and he would make us rich."  
  
The whole time Kosaru and the crew stood staring at the captain like he was drunk, for Ganondorf was supposed to be sealed away, and then all burst out laughing.  
  
Kosaru was walking away saying through his laughter. "HA HA HA! That's a good one! Ganondorf? Oh I'm writing that down!"  
  
Only Carl stayed behind and asked Phoenix, "So that's it then? No treasure?"  
  
Phoenix looked down at the mischievous Kokri, then at the cargo ship that was sailing away. "Be patient Carl. Besides, we know where it's going."  
  
Link saluted Phoenix with a smile, for he had been worried about the pirate too, then looked at his crew and yelled, "Alright men! Make sail. Our destination is Hyrule!"  
  
The cargo ship then sailed away unaware it was being followed by the pirate ship.  
  
Me: Another cliffhanger. And Phoenix sealed the agreement to destroy the world! (DUM DUM DUUM!)  
  
Phoenix: HEY! I didn't know that Ganondork would try to {I cover his mouth with my hand} mmphff!  
  
Me: Quiet! Are you going to give away the plot? Well anyway...  
  
Both: REVIEW PLEASE! 


	4. Party

Me: YO! What gives? Only one person reviewed.  
  
Phoenix: {Laughing his ass off} HAHA! YOU SUCK!  
  
Me: Shut up, at least I have one review!  
  
Phoenix: Damn, you're right.  
  
Me: Well, time to review the, um, review!  
  
MidnightStarfire: I understand if you're busy. I didn't update for about five days on my other story on FictionPress because I was busy. Thanks for the compliments, and update your story soon!  
  
Me: Well, that's it. I will not give up my story however! I WILL CONTINUE!  
  
Phoenix: Oh god lets just start the story.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, parts of plot from Sinbad, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Treasure Planet.  
  
Chapter 4: Party  
  
The castle dock was crowded with people, waiting anxiously for the important cargo ship to arrive. It had been an hour since the ship was supposed to dock, and the people were beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong. The king and princess were with the crowd as well, both nervous. The king was nervous that the ship ran into trouble, and princess Zelda was worried that Link, the Hero of Time, didn't make it.  
  
Her golden hair sparkled in the sunlight, her elven ears strained to hear the creaking of the masts on the ship, and her blue eyes, scanning the ocean for any sign of her hero. Yes, the princess was in love with Link, and for quite some time now. Ever since that green clad boy came into her life, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She was so deep in thought, it had taken a minute for her to realize the people were cheering. She looked up to see why, and started cheering herself. Link and the cargo ship had arrived.  
  
Link was blushing in embarrassment, for though he was a hero, he never enjoyed publicity. It always made him feel high in standing. He believed he was as normal as any of the other people. But Link didn't complain, he only waved to the cheering people.  
  
As the ship sailed into the dock, the people made way for the guards carrying the precious book, the Book of the Goddesses. It shone with glory, and everyone was quiet as the guards marched to the castle, followed by the crowd. Everyone was so occupied by the book, that they didn't notice the other sleeker ship silently sailing in.  
  
At evening, after the book was placed in a heavily guarded tower, in the Hyrule castle the people were feasting and drinking. Everyone was happy, and there wasn't a care in the world. Link and Zelda were dancing to a waltz when the music suddenly stopped. Gasping and whispering soon replaced laughing and talking. In the front doorway, Phoenix himself and his band of pirates were standing there, glancing at the frightened people and the guards that had surrounded them.  
  
Phoenix then whispered to his cohorts, "See gentlemen? This is what happens when you use the front door."  
  
Link immediately walked up to the pirate captain and turned to the people. "Everyone, do not be alarmed! This is my friend Phoenix! The one who helped me defeat the monster squid."  
  
The people were hesitant, but then one person started clapping, and then was followed my two more, until the whole room was clapping. Link smiled in relief and walked back to the dance floor. Phoenix and his friends were about to pass the guards when one guard stood in their path.  
  
"Remove your weapons." The guard said as he gestured over to the table next to him.  
  
Phoenix hesitated, and then still smiling, he drew his two cutlasses and dropped them on the table. Kosaru followed the captain's example and dropped his sword and dagger onto the table. One by one the pirates removed weapons, until it came to Cotan. He then started removing swords, cutlasses, daggers, a crossbow, bombs, and many other weapons from his trench coat while the guards looked on, curious and frightened at the same time.  
  
Meanwhile, Phoenix started trying to find Link, and soon saw him, dancing with a red headed farm girl named Malon. Phoenix smiled in amusement, for Link seemed to be poor at dancing, and kept constantly yet accidentally stepping on the poor girl's toes.  
  
He then felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see the princess herself standing in front of him. "May I have this dance?" asked Zelda.  
  
Phoenix gave a small nod, and lead Zelda to the dance floor. The music started, and Phoenix remembered it immediately as the traditional Hyrule waltz. As the pirate and princess slowly moved across the dance floor, Phoenix saw Link giving a jealous glare at the pirate, for Phoenix was dancing as if it were natural, and not once was he making a mistake.  
  
Zelda leaned in close to the pirate and whispered, "You dance well for a pirate."  
  
Phoenix replied, "I have taken some lessons, mostly because I needed to be undercover sometimes to grab the treasure."  
  
Zelda gave a little giggle, and then glanced at Link, who was starting to make his way over to the dancing couple, intent on cutting in.  
  
Phoenix immediately broke away from Zelda and told Link, "Go ahead and dance with her. It was getting boring anyway."  
  
Link was surprised that the pirate was so willing to let Link dance with Zelda, but just nodded and turned to the princess.  
  
Phoenix looked on as the two danced, surprised that this time Link wasn't making any mistakes. He saw Link and Zelda looking into each other's eyes, filled with longing and desire. Phoenix realized Link wasn't making any mistakes because he didn't want to disappoint Zelda.  
  
"Those two are in love." The pirate whispered to himself.  
  
Phoenix felt a small tinge of jealousy, for the pirate had never even thought about loving a woman. And he did seem to like Zelda's gold hair, those blue eyes, and those red lips.  
  
Phoenix mentally slapped himself. How could a princess love a pirate? It wasn't possible.  
  
"Besides," the pirate whispered, "my love is for treasure isn't it?"  
  
He then remembered his mission, to steal the book. But he hesitated; he didn't want to disappoint Zelda and Link. He sighed to himself and turned away from the dance floor.  
  
Meanwhile, at the buffet table the pirates were eating everything in sight, much to the displeasure of the other guests. Meats, fruits, vegetables, and bread were crammed into the pirate's mouths, for on the ship, all they had to eat were pickles and eggs.  
  
Kosaru then saw Phoenix approaching and whispered, "There are only two guards at the entrance of the tower, and not many more at the top. We can easily take them all."  
  
But Phoenix just shook his head and said, "No, we're leaving. We will not steal the book."  
  
The pirates looked up at their captain like he was crazy. It was so easy, why stop here? But when Phoenix just walked past, they decided he had his reasons, and started following him.  
  
At the table, Cotan had just pulled out his last weapon and breathed a sigh of relief when Phoenix walked by and said, "We're leaving Cotan."  
  
Cotan was confused, "But you, but I, I just finished! Why do we have to leave now?"  
  
Phoenix didn't give an answer, only picked up his weapons and walked out. The rest of the crew followed his example, and with a groan of confusion, Cotan lugged all of his weapons out the door.  
  
Ganondorf was perched on the mast of a cargo ship, watching with displeasure as the pirates and Phoenix left for their ship.  
  
"So, your nerve failed you captain?" Ganondorf growled out. "No matter. I have other ways of getting that book."  
  
The evil Gerudo's hands started to glow with dark magic, and an evil smile was on Ganondorf's face.  
  
Me: OOH! Cliffhanger!  
  
Phoenix: Oh, and by the way people, the only romance will be between Link and Zelda.  
  
Me: Just wanted to clear up some would-be-questions about that. Anyway...  
  
Both: PLEASE OH PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
Me: See the little blue button at the bottom? Click that please! 


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